Things left behind

It doesn't happen often, but every now and then I think of something I left behind when I left the Cities.

Anyhoo, I saw an ad tonight for some beef jerky and remember very fondly my adventures making beef jerky with my Ronco Food Dehydrator. But the food dehydrator is a rather large item and I had other things (clothes) to fill the limited space I had when I moved. Yeah, I suppose I could get another dehydrator but it's one of those things that spending the money to get a second one, when it isn't something I use all the time and when I know that there is a perfectly good one gathering dust that I spent the money to buy once upon a time is one of those things that makes me feel so guilty that I just can't justify spending the money a second time.

Other things I miss... my massaging foot bath (which is something I wouldn't have bought for myself and was one of the few truly thoughtful gifts purchased for me by my ex... ok, so I gave him the money to buy me the gift but didn't tell him what he should get...) Again, an item I didn't use OFTEN, but I liked having it.

My plush Cthulu... again...no practical value, but I dug it. Especially once I saw the "Cutethulu" video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SP-33XI4frs

I'm sure there are more... but they are just "things" and you can't be too attached to "things". As Maude says "Well, if some people get upset because they feel they have a hold on some things, I'm merely acting as a gentle reminder: here today, gone tomorrow, so don't get attached to things."

I remember back in my early 20's it seemed we had a reason to have a party AT LEAST twice a month. There was a holiday or someone's birthday or someone had gotten a new job...I guess you are supposed to outgrow wanting to celebrate all of those little milestones. I wonder why that never happened for me...

Nostalgia

I've been pondering how times change. My mom had a friend she met in grade school. They were friends through their whole lives up until the time the friend passed away a few years ago. Oh sure, they moved away but they always kept in touch and visited and shared major life events. I wonder how many people anymore still have friends from college, let alone high school or childhood. How many people have friendships that survive even a decade anymore? And then I think of all of the people who have found each other after 20 or more years due to being able to track people down via the internet... and with social networking sites, this task becomes even easier sometimes.

I found a friend from high school (who is really the only person from that high school I care to speak to) and we keep in touch. I've run into a few other people (the ex-husband popping up after 15 years was maybe not so welcome). Some of the people I've reconnected with it seems like no time at all has passed. We picked up where we left off, we had similar life experiences, we resumed a friendship. Others, we sortve discovered all of the reasons that we drifted apart in the first place and really have no common ground. A few others, I find myself questioning whether they ever cared about me as I did them. I suppose that the answer could very honestly be "no". And I have one person I really tried to reconnect with, really WANTED to reconnect with and her husband intercepted the communication and will not allow me to contact her (I have no freakin' idea what's up there, but it bothers me, since I introduced them)

Nostalgia can be fun. It can also be frustrating. There are a couple of people I'll continue looking for because I am curious about what's gone on since "once upon a time". As time goes on, the opportunities will wane. I've all but given up on finding my biological parents since I don't have money to sink into searching but I do periodically still search the reunion boards out of curiousity. But I spend more time looking forward than back and close doors when I know that it's time. That's sometimes been a very difficult life lesson to learn... But there are alot of people out there to meet and some will come into my life and stay and others will move on all too swiftly and I can't be looking back and miss the opportunities that lie ahead

Lavender Parchment Paper

I used to print my resume on lavender parchment paper. It still copied well onto normal white paper and I really liked the way it looked. But every once in a while I'd run into someone who would say "you're never going to get a job if you use that paper" and I'd reply "if they can't handle lavender parchment paper, I know I can't work for them".

I've always been "different". It's not that I TRY to be, I just AM. And it isn't something that I can pinpoint and say "THIS is how I am different"... it's just one of those things. I am different and other people sense it and it creates awkwardness. I have TRIED to be a good little sheep, but it never quite ends up working out for me.

My trip to California did not net me a job, but it WILL make a fabulous chapter in the book I am writing. I worked so hard to try and figure out what they wanted me to be like(or what I needed to be for them to like me) that I completely lost being ME. So, who is this "Me" that didn't get to showcase herself? I'm the person who prefers a soda to a glass of expensive wine. I am the gal who will stay late to get the job done, who will come in on her day off (that also happens to be her birthday) because she wants to learn how to use the new Powerpoint equipment (and will not put the hours she spent learning it on her timecard). I am the gal who had a boss once tell her that he didn't want her as his admin, he had wanted to bring his admin from his previous position only to have that turn into one of the best working relationships EVER and generate a recommendation letter that still makes people say "Wow!" I am the gal that people love in spite of (or maybe even because of ) her quirkiness who will be a loyal friend who will love you with unbridled passion (and I bring my own scotchguard, cuz I know that unbridled passion can get messy)! I am the gal who prints her resume on lavender parchment paper and, at the age of 40-something still laughs at farts. And when I stop being THAT person... THEN I will truly be disappointed at who I have become.

I'm good enough...

A couple of years ago I worked with someone who went out of her way to be unpleasant to me. No, it wasn't my imagination... I had co-workers remark on how she was going out of her way to be unpleasant to me. I'm not quite sure what her issue was... I was always pleasant to her and always managed to avert the disasters caused by the fact that she always left EVERYTHING until the last possible second and then decided to invite everyone to the drama (again, this was a much discussed topic amongst the office staff, so this isn't just MY perception of the situation). On the day I left that job, she was walking into the office as I was leaving. She smirked at me and said "Yeah, well, ummm, have a nice life" and I looked her dead in the eye and said "I am so glad I don't have to get up every morning and be you" and walked out of the office. I found out later that she asked the one co-worker I had been close to "what did she mean by that" and my co-worker said "I don't know, TAP, what does that mean to you?" If you find yourself wondering what I meant by it, I'll tell you what I was thinking at the time... I may have been someone who just lost their job and didn't know how they were going to face their family and didn't know how I was going to keep a roof over my head or food on the table and I was afraid and dissapointed and feeling pretty low, but at least I didn't have to live with being someone who seems to radiate hatred to people who have done nothing to deserve it. I am not someone who is so self-centered that I get annoyed when everyone doesn't kiss my ass and feel blessed to be in my presence. I think about how what I say and do is going to effect other people. I am a genuinely kind and loving person who will help people out even when there is nothing in it for me except the joy of knowing I did something nice for someone else. I suppose you could tell me that it was an awful, unkind, maybe even hateful thing to say to her. And there is some truth to that, but it took six months of being treated VERY badly by this person for me to utter that one simple sentence. And what I really wanted to do was make her think about who she was and how she behaved.

Honestly, though, I look for the good in everyone. For better or for worse (and way too often, I get burned by this) I really want to believe that people are inherently good. There are very few people I can say I hate (the "dislike" list is a bit longer!) There are people I know only from the Internet who I'd put my life on the line for and people I've met face-to-face who I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire. And it may be wrong, but there are a few people who I'd like to have the opportunity to look in the eye and say "I am so glad I don't have to get up every morning and be you". Fortunately, though, the majority of the people I encounter are delightful or at least pleasant. There are several people who I admire and who it would be an honor to wake up in the morning and be them... but then, we all have our issues and things we deal with so it's probably best that we do our best to be pleased to wake up in the morning and be ourselves. The past couple of weeks has shown me that even after a good, hard look at myself, I'm not disappointed to get up in the morning and be me.

The things you can learn on the Internet...

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Here comes the Bun...

There are tasks the come along with critters other than poopsmithing. Today was a day we needed to tackle some of those tasks.

First, we put Mr. Pitr the Tortoise in for a nice, long soak as we changed the substrate in his tortitat. It is getting to be the time of year that he hibernates, so we wanted to get this done now so he can dig in and snooze.

Next... the chore we dread... trimming the bunzles nails. He hates being touched, held or (especially) trimmed. HATES. With a burning passion. So, we popped him into a towel (to resemble a bunny burrito) and trimmed his nails. We hit on the fact that he seems to struggle a little less if you cover his eyes. So, yay for that. But, nonetheless, this is what we had to deal with:

And he was plenty indignant once we were done (hunkering down in the corner of his cage and glowering at the wall).

But before we captured him and trimmed his claws, we let him out to run around a little. We hadn't done this since acquiring Weedy, our second cat and while she was curious about Greg, she wasn't really interested in getting to know Greg. Greg, however, was very interested in perhaps purveying some Bunny Luvvin' to Weedy.

Distractions

I have this horrible affliction whereby I cannot concentrate if things around me are in chaos. This means that before I can do anything productive here at home, there must be cleaning. Because what happens is that I'll start to work on something and then notice that the carpet really, really needs vacuuming and I just KNOW there are crumbs on the counter over there that are going to start attracting ants and then the ants come marching over to my desk and bite me and that hurts like a mutherfucker so I tend to like to keep things anti-ant around the house. We do not get the itty bitty sugar ants, either. We get the big black commando "we will take your shit down and strip you to the bones if you don't watch it" ants.

Also, when you house two critters who need hay for their intestinal well-being, there tends to be a need to be doing some hay policing so that the felines in the house don't mistake it for cat grass and get their nom on only to produce some of the most fantastic hair/food/hay balls that have been witnessed by man. This has become a problem to the point that the POSSLQ may walk around the house in skivvys but he's sure as HELL gonna have on footwear. because aforementioned conglomorate balls inadvertantly squished between one's toes on the way to the privvy in the morning leads to cussing of EPIC proportions.